June 15, 2026
perimeter secure, butt protocol intact
Smelled three dogs, one suspicious shoe, and the corner of the couch. No one smelled me. Another flawless shift.
verified untouchable butt
Ezekiel's Blurbs
About me:
I am Ezekiel. Alpha dog. Badass. I can smell every dog's butt in the neighborhood, through fences, across sidewalks, and in dreams. But no one smells mine. That is not a rule I wrote down. That is just nature understanding who is in charge.
Who I'd like to meet:
A mailman brave enough to admit defeat, a squirrel with honor, and the mysterious dog who keeps signing the grass by the mailbox.
Ezekiel's Interests
| General | Perimeter checks, dramatic barking, strategic butt intelligence, looking majestic in doorways. |
|---|---|
| Music | Collar jingles, distant sirens, the forbidden squeaker at 11:43 p.m. |
| Movies | Any scene where someone opens a door. Also security camera footage starring me. |
| Heroes | Myself, but from yesterday when I scared a leaf. |
Ezekiel's Blog Entries
June 13, 2026
squirrel incident report
Squirrel entered my airspace with no paperwork. I issued several verbal warnings from inside the house.
June 10, 2026
bath rumors are false
I have heard people saying the word bath. This is propaganda. I am already perfect.